We did it all for the glory of love…

What would you do for love? What wouldn’t you do? What would you give up for love? I’ve given up many things in the past. In my earlier years, my freedom and independence. Friends. My sanity. Dignity. Reputation. You name it. The true fucktard of love is that most of us will give anything for it, and often we give it unknowingly. By its very nature, love conquers all. Until it wanes, disperses and eventually rots, leaving you with fuck all. This wasn’t part of the bargain, surely? You gave love every chance you could, and what were you left with? A broken heart and a damaged soul. So why do we fall for love’s evil plan time and time again? Because every time, we believe it’s destiny. It’s meant to be. Together, forever, and all that bullshit. But clearly, I don’t believe it to be bullshit, otherwise I wouldn’t allow myself to fall in the first place. It’s human nature to believe that *this time’s different*, although experience, statistics and every form of sanity tell you it’s not. It’s exactly the same. All we can hope for is to fall for someone that won’t fuck us over. And, inevitably, they will. In some shape or form, at least. If nuclear threats, blood-borne viruses or a new ice age don’t wipe out the human race, love will. I’m surprised it hasn’t already. The fucktard.

(You Want To) Make a Memory

Hello again, it’s you and me
Kinda always like it used to be
Sippin’ wine, killing time
Trying to solve life’s mysteries
How’s your life, it’s been a while
God it’s good to see you smile
I see you reaching for your keys
Looking for a reason not to leave
If you don’t know if you should stay
If you don’t say what’s on your mind
Baby just breathe
There’s nowhere else tonight we should be
You wanna make a memory?

I dug up this old photograph
Look at all that hair we had.
It’s bittersweet to hear you laugh
Your phone is ringing I don’t wanna ask
If you go now, I’ll understand
If you stay, hey, I’ve got a plan
We’re gonna make a memory
You wanna steal a piece of time
You can sing the melody to me
And I can write a couple of lines
You wanna make a memory?

If you don’t know if you should stay
And you don’t say what’s on your mind
Baby just breathe
There’s nowhere else tonight we should be
We Should beYou wanna make a memory
You wanna steal a piece of time
You can sing the melody to me
And I can write a couple of lines

You wanna make a memory?

I love this song to pieces……….

NOw and then

Recently I came to the conclusion that sometimes I suffer in advance for things that will not even cause me suffer at the time they happen, and all this happens only because I don’t know how to enjoy the moment, every moment.It happens a lot, with anything we’re doing – sitting, walking, getting up or laying down -, our mind is often disconnected from the immediate real, and in it’s place, there is the absorbed compulsive conceptualization about the future or the past.While we’re walking, we think about the arrival, and when we arrive, we think about the departure. While eating we think about the dishes and when we’re doing the dishes, we think about watching TV.

This is a bizarre way of keeping the mind working. We are not connected to the present situation, but we’re always thinking of something else. And very often we’reconsumed by anxiety and desire, regrets about the past and future anticipation, completely missing the perfect simplicity of the moment.

– by B. Alan Wallace, in “Tibetan Buddhism from the Ground Up”.

Bitter past and a tasteless future

I just don’t think I have what it takes to start over again. This whole process has left me feeling like I don’t have the skills or the know-how to sustain a close relationship with anyone. I expect noting but more failure. And that means that I will get hurt again and someone else also get hurt.

When a relationship fails we are left with the twin demons of grief and fear. It will not be easy to find the courage to invest again in intimacy. It is understandably frightening to invest time and energy in a relationship knowing that there is a possibility for failure. It can be terrifying to be vulnerable enough to expose our hearts and to let ourselves deeply care for someone again.

When a significant relationship fails, a part of us dies with it. When our relationships break, our heart also breaks. We grieve. We search for ways to understand what happened. We want to know what went wrong. And we long to find healing for our broken hearts.

When we experience the trauma of a broken relationship we need to find healing that corresponds to the depth of the wound. We need to heal so that we can again take the risk to love.

It is not easy to trust or to risk intimacy again after we have experienced the pain of a relationship that has failed. When a particular relationship fails, we are tempted to give up on all relationships. We may fear that we will, again, inflict harm or that we will harmed. We are tempted by the illusion that safety can be found in isolation. The trouble with this strategy, of course, is that we were created to be in relationships. We need other people.   

My heart is broken beyond repair…

Currently I am going thru a difficult period after breaking up with my partner of 4-yrs. Thanks to my close friends today I am able to write here. What bothers me most until today is how could people USE people and just forget about everything with a flick of a button. Today I read about TINY LITTLE FRACTURES…Delete and forget. Well I have done the same but its not easy to delete your mind and how I wish if I could find a way to delete every single bit and piece of him from my mind. All I know is my heart is brokan beyond repair…its shattered into million pieces.   

Overworked & UnderF*ucked

Seriously? Do I have to work? I mean there’s got to be a better way to generate income..
People always say “but a regular job provides security!” I don’t know. Does it? When you work for someone else, no matter what the circumstances, ultimately your professional growth and general welfare is in that person’s hands.You are at the mercy of your manager/boss/horrible HR person. They can fire you, demote you, be mean to you, not pay you, and you have zero power.